Pimp My Beard Season 3: Round 1

Common Cents

Dollar Dollar bill y'all? Oooh, lets catch the Euro Star! Swap your daughter for some Dinar. Slap your Shilling around. Get your hands dirty in the Zloty potty. Rub one out at the Rupee raffle. Can't you see it's all Wong? Pawn in our Pesos as we Pound the vadge of the Cypriot Lira? Get Real, Brasil! We need to talk about Capitalism. A penny for your thoughts.

Nothing delights the PMB community more than to welcome a new member to the bosom of our velcro embrace. Season 3 is thus pledged to the next generation; the dewy eyed, bushy lipped progeny that must carry the clippers whence the grooming fathers have passed on. Firstwhile, we present Gavin Humongous Finney, with his dashing diatribe, Common Cents.

Gavin Humongous Finney: Common Cents

"Like so many of the kids in our town, my squad and I would while away our summers on the banks of the River Wey, satirizing swans and chewing lightbulb filaments for kicks." Recalls Finney. "Then one day, Martin didn't turn up. He'd got a job running girls and liquorice for a corporate financier in Lewisham. I was only a junior member of our squad at the time but I was indignant. I couldn't believe that he was gone, just like that. Swept away to a life of six figure transactions, as many Kit Kat Chunkies as he could eat, while here we were sharing out a single bar between five or six of us -  freezing it beforehand, so it broke more evenly. It was watershed moment in my political awakening, I just didn't know how best to make my stand. It was a painful existence - never finding expression for the sickly injustice that welled in my pancreas. That is until I came across an article anticipating the 3rd Season of Pimp My Beard™ that had been used as a coaster in my local Nero's. I ran home past the river to get an especially snide barb in at the swans for old time's sake, and got straight to work. I never thought anything would come of it when I sent away the photos during PMB's last unsolicited submissions window. Many of our old squad have moved on now. Several more snatched away in their prime by the claws of Capitalism to work for hedge funds, wholesale foods, government and the fisheries. I just hope that seeing my old mug bearding the burden of a dollar sign knocks some Cents back into them! Last thing I heard Martin was doing the fonts for numbers on the Nasdaq. Perhaps if this reaches him he'll give me a call."